Reflections…April 21, 2020
Three more weeks in lockdown – at least. Can I be totally honest and confess that a part of me is relieved? Primarily because my nervous system is without a doubt in the best place it’s been in ages, but also (and these things are strongly interrelated) because I’m moving so much more than I was, and I have buckets of newly-discovered time – which for me is one of the most precious resources of all.
I’ve been musing on what it is exactly that’s allowing me to see the situation in this way and so far I’ve landed on a few key things. Before I get to that though, let me be clear: I’m of course making a distinction between the lockdown and the virus and it is in no way is it my intention to take away from the seriousness of the situation we find ourselves in, nor the danger posed to so many. The broader picture of where we are right now is pretty grim and, even for us, the effects of the virus are starting to knock a little closer to home but, that said, I think the positive aspects of where we find ourselves deserve interrogation – particularly if we’re to learn from them going forward.
Firstly then, as an introvert, an INFJ and a highly sensitive person I get easily overwhelmed by the world around me (though this is perhaps a surprise to many who experience me as being extremely capable in complex and stressful situations (see my previous post)). The huge reduction in the stimuli in my life as a result of the lockdown is having a significant and positive impact on my wellbeing – one that I can feel every single day. My breath is easier, my digestion better, my skin clearer, my mood (in general) happier. I mean I have no idea what I do with this realisation as we start returning to normality but I really can’t ignore how evident it has been. My nervous system, quite simply, has been rescued and I no longer spend anywhere near as much time hyped up in a sympathetic state.
Secondly, and massively interrelated with the first point, I have been moving SO much more than I do in my normal day-to-day life. And by moving I mean consciously engaging in movement practices – rather than racing back and forth to work, class and everywhere else – and expressing what I feel so that’s it not just all bound down inside of me. On top of my yoga, I’m dancing when I need to dance (it’s not always pretty but I’ve decided I don’t care!), running when I need to run, looning around making nonsensical shapes when it’s needed and I’ve even now ordered some boxing gloves and pads so I can work out my anger when that’s appropriate too. I talk ALL the time about sensing, seeing and feeling when I teach and I now get a chance to embody that in an infinitely broader sense than I was able to before.
Continuing the theme of expressing what you feel, I’ve journalled my morning pages almost every day since this began. They don’t need to make any sense and I never read them back but when I miss them the accumulation of ‘stuff’ in my body is palpable – case in point last Sunday when I had to run around the park (and I quote my own words) “like a highly strung dog that’ had just been let off its lead”. If you take one thing away from this post, perhaps make it this (the pages not the dog!) and see what kind of an impact it has on the way you feel.
Sunday aside, with my nervous system more balanced I’m better able to sustain quality interactions with friends, family and loved ones. The value in and regularity of the time I’m now spending with these people is far improved from before (even though it’s all online) and I’m treasuring our regular catch-ups in a really big way.
Another outcome of the time that’s now available (a result of both the lockdown itself, as well as the nervous system reset) is that I’m properly able to appreciate the small things in life. From taking lunch outside to bumping into students in the street (such a joy to connect with them as real-life humans and not just faces on a screen!) and seeing the garden develop day-by-day, it’s all so much more joyful than anything I was distracted by before. Furthermore, what I would have previously thought of as another tedious task to be completed (putting up pictures, watering the garden, cleaning the cats’ water fountain, even doing the dishes…) is now just a part of the richness of life. I’m not struggling to rush through these things just so I can finally sit down and that makes a massive difference to how they’re approached
And then finally… one last thing that I cannot ignore – the impact of, the glorious weather! My entire life I’ve been more alive in the warmth and the sunshine than in any other conditions and, while it’s impossible to quantify how much of an effect it’s having on my mood, I suspect it’s serving to significantly enhance the effects of everything else I’ve described above. Tomorrow I get to spend my entire birthday sitting in the garden in the sun – and I’ll take that as a celebration any day of the week.
So yes. For me the additional three weeks is not unwelcome, and I might even go as far to say that the thought of being allowed out again is actually more stressful for me than being told to stay in. Which isn’t to say I don’t have my moments (and I do believe there are probably even harder times ahead) but I’m learning so much right now about how I’d like to live my life if I could and I need more time to work out how that might be allowed to continue on in the future.
Am I alone? What’s your own experience? I’d love to hear how you’re all dealing with this lockdown so please do use the comments to share…